Let’s be real: the first time I thought about trying the backdoor sex position, I was both wildly curious… and absolutely terrified.
I’m not alone in this. You’ve probably clicked here wondering if backdoor sex is worth the hype, how safe it actually is, and maybe even if your body (yes, your beautiful, powerful, totally valid body) is “made” for it. Whether you’re plus-size, have physical limitations, or are just feeling unsure, let me tell you – you’re 100% capable of exploring this pleasure zone if and when you choose to. And I’m going to guide you through the entire journey with empathy, real talk, and zero judgment.
This is not just about technique – it’s about empowered, informed pleasure. So let’s demystify backdoor sex together in a way that builds your confidence, deepens trust, and unlocks new levels of intimacy… without ever sacrificing comfort, consent, or safety.
Understanding Backdoor Sex: Myths, Safety & Consent
Common Misconceptions and Facts
Let’s clear something up right now: anal sex is not just for porn stars or the super-flexible. That myth is tired and false.
I’ve worked with clients (and had my own journey) that proved this pleasure point belongs to all kinds of bodies, at all experience levels. Here’s what matters more than anything:
- Relaxation and trust
- Lubrication (more on that soon!)
- Communication with your partner(s)
Oh, and one more thing: the idea that anal sex is supposed to “hurt”? Nope. With proper prep and respect, it should feel intense – yes – but not painful. Pain is your body’s way of saying “pause,” not “push through.” Listen to it.
The Importance of Consent and Communication
Here’s the truth: consent isn’t a one-time checkbox. It’s an ongoing, evolving conversation. Especially for activities like backdoor sex, where vulnerability is high.
Say what you want. Say what you don’t. Use safewords. Check in frequently. I promise, those moments of “Hey, how’re you doing?” make the experience feel incredibly safe and sexy.
Hygiene and Preparation Essentials
This part tends to freak people out, but it doesn’t have to. Here’s my no-shame, realistic ritual for backdoor prep:
- Use the bathroom beforehand — it helps clear anxiety too
- Clean the area with warm water and mild soap
- If it feels right for you, consider an anal rinse kit (just avoid overusing these!)
Remember: bodies aren’t dirty. They’re natural, functional, and beautiful. Don’t let the hygiene myths keep you from exploring something that could be deeply pleasurable.
Boosting Confidence: Mindset and Body Readiness
Overcoming Anxiety and Insecurity
I’ll be honest: before I ever tried it, I used to overthink everything.
“Will I look awkward?” “What if I make a weird noise?” “Is my butt too big for this?”
Here’s what shifted it all for me: reframing those thoughts as signs that I was curious and courageous. Backdoor sex isn’t about looking perfect. It’s about connection, sensation, exploration. Let that body of yours take center stage – it’s worthy.
How to Talk to Your Partner About Trying It
Here’s what I tell my coaching clients every time: bring it up outside the bedroom first.
Start with something like, “Hey, I’ve been getting curious about trying backdoor sex. Would you be open to learning about it with me?”
Keep the conversation collaborative. You’re inviting your partner into a shared experience – not signing a contract.
Relaxation Techniques and Mental Preparation
If your body’s stressed, your muscles will be too. The key to enjoying anal sex lies in being mentally and physically relaxed.
What works for me (and many of my readers):
- Take a warm bath or shower first
- Play calming or sensual music
- Use breathwork to slow your heart rate – deep exhales, soft jaw, relaxed anus
Your readiness doesn’t hinge on being “perfect.” It comes from feeling safe and centered in your body.
Must-Know Tips for Backdoor Comfort and Enjoyment
Choosing the Right Lubrication
Spoiler alert: LUBE IS LIFE when it comes to backdoor anything.
Since the anus doesn’t self-lubricate, using a high-quality lube is non-negotiable. My personal faves:
- Water-based lube: great for beginners, safe with toys and condoms
- Silicone-based lube: longer-lasting, slicker (but do NOT use with silicone toys!)
Err on the side of using more than you think you’ll need. Reapply as needed. No shame.
Using Toys and Tools Safely
Beginners, this is your golden tip: Start with small, body-safe toys.
I started with a slim anal training kit and a curved plug – both helped me get comfortable with the sensation on my own terms. Look for toys with flared bases to prevent any slip-ins.
Try these:
- A beginner-friendly silicone plug (with a handle or loop)
- A vibrating anal bead wand (start with only the first bead or two)
- A handheld anal douche if you want a cleaner feeling
Breathing and Pacing for Relaxation
This might sound “woo” but trust me: your breath is your biggest ally.
Try this method:
- Inhale before insertion
- Exhale as penetration begins
- Pause. Breathe. Adjust. Then move again.
Let your partner know not to thrust initially – slow, steady pressure is key. If you feel resistance, stop. You are the boss of the tempo.
Top Backdoor Sex Positions for All Levels
Beginner-Friendly Positions
These are my go-tos when I’m warming up or trying something new:
- Side-lying spooning: ultra-intimate, great for control and softness
- Modified missionary: pillow under hips, legs slightly raised – very accessible for larger bodies or limited mobility
- On all fours with cushions: gentle doggy with your torso supported on pillows
Intermediate and Deep Penetration Options
Once you’re more comfortable, these can offer deeper sensation:
- Pegging in a chair: the receiver sits, giver takes control – great for people with fatigue or joint sensitivity
- Cowgirl/reverse cowgirl: you’re on top, guiding depth and rhythm on your terms
- Standing bend-over: against a wall or over the bed – bring a cushion for your hips.
Positions That Promote Control and Comfort
These positions let you set (and maintain) the pace:
- Pillow pile plank: receiver lies prone with hips raised – stable, secure, and super cozy
- Face-down fetal: curled position makes your body feel held and reduces anxiety
- Using a liberator wedge: elevate + support hips without straining limbs or joints
Listening to Your Body: Aftercare and Recovery
Soothing Techniques and Cleaning Up
Aftercare is sexy self-love in my world.
My ritual:
- Warm cloth and gentle cleanser (no harsh soaps!)
- Hydrating balm or aloe-based soothing gel
- Cuddling, tea, or naps – whatever your body craves
Treat your booty with kindness. It *just* did something amazing.
What’s Normal and When to Seek Advice
Some soreness, sensitivity, or gas is normal after anal sex.
But – if you notice bleeding that doesn’t stop, sharp pains, or fever – seek a medical check-in. Sex should never cause long-term pain or injury. Ever.
Empowerment Through Exploration
Celebrating Pleasure Without Shame
You deserve to feel powerful in your pleasure. That means shedding shame. Reclaiming curiosity. Letting pleasure happen without guilt, performance pressure, or body comparison.
Backdoor sex is just one of many options on your pleasure menu – and whether or not you try it, you get to define what’s exciting, sexy, and right for you.
Tips for Ongoing Sexual Confidence
Keep building your sexy toolkit:
- Journal about what you liked/didn’t like after sessions
- Try solo exploration with fingers or toys
- Surround yourself with body-positive content and educators
Confidence doesn’t come from having a “perfect” experience. It comes from trying, adjusting, and honoring your yes (and your no). Over time, trust in your voice grows – and that’s the hottest thing of all.
So if you’ve been wondering whether the backdoor sex position is something you can actually enjoy? Let me be the first to say: YES. You can. You are ready. You are worthy. And you are so very sexy.
