Understanding Pleasure, Comfort, and Body Confidence
Let me be real with you: when I first started exploring sex as a plus-size person, I worried whether certain positions were even possible for bodies like mine. I used to Google things like “best sex positions for bigger people” in secret, hoping there were more answers than just “lose weight” (ugh, no thanks). You know what I found instead?
Access. Adaptability. Freedom. And a whole world of sex that *actually* includes bigger bodies – not just tolerates them.
If you’ve ever been told that your sensuality has limits because of your size, I’m here to say: that. is. a. lie. Sexy doesn’t come in one size, and pleasure doesn’t belong to only thin bodies. Sex is for EVERY body, and today, I’m bringing you my personal expert guide to the best sex positions for bigger people – because yes, you deserve wild, connected, soul-shaking sex too.
Why Size-Inclusive Intimacy Matters
Our culture often sends the message that fat bodies are invisible, especially in the bedroom. That stops here. Sexuality is not a size-based privilege. We all have the right to experience deep pleasure, confident connection, and fun.
Size-inclusive intimacy means honoring the body you’re in – right now – without feeling like it has to shrink or change to be worthy of receiving or giving love. What does that look like in practice? Trying positions that actually work for your body without strain, learning to ask for what feels good, and embracing tools that make sex better, not harder.
Common Challenges Bigger Bodies May Face
Let’s talk truth: bigger bodies can face real, physical challenges in sexual positioning. Some of the most common issues I’ve worked with clients on include:
- Limited flexibility or stamina
- Stomach or thigh interference during penetration
- Joint pain, especially in knees or lower back
- Lack of support from furniture not built for heavier weights
But here’s the magic: *all* of those challenges can be addressed. With thoughtful positioning, pillow support, adaptive props, and open conversation, pleasure is absolutely accessible.
Communication and Safety First
How to Talk Openly with Your Partner
If you take one thing from this article, let it be this: communication is the foreplay. Before you try something new, talk it through. I always say something like, “Hey, I saw this amazing guide on positions that might be more comfortable for both of us – want to explore one or two tonight?”
Framing it as “teamwork” makes it collaborative, not performative. And that’s hot.
Consent, Comfort Levels, and Emotional Intimacy
Your body deserves tenderness. Before any physical activity, check in. Are you feeling safe, present, and turned on? Is your partner truly ready to explore with you, not just going along?
The sexiest people are the ones who prioritize mutual respect. Always lead with consent and emotional presence. That’s what creates fireworks you’ll remember.
Top 10 Sex Positions for Bigger Bodies
1. Modified Missionary with Pillows
This isn’t your high school textbook-style missionary. Grab two firm pillows: one under your hips, one under your partner’s lower back. It creates lift, opens angles, and removes leg strain. More eye contact, less pressure on bellies.
2. Side-by-Side (Spooning) Position
This is my go-to on tired nights. Lying on your sides lets you stay close and feel cozy while reducing pressure on joints. It’s deeply intimate, especially with some slow grinding and whispered conversation.
3. Cowgirl with Chair or Bed Support
Riding positions can feel empowering *and* adaptable. If mobility is an issue, sit your partner on a solid chair or firm bed edge. That way you can straddle with assisted balance and use arm support without extra strain.
4. Edge of the Bed Technique
This one leveled up my sex life. Lie on your back at the edge of the bed with your feet on the floor. Your partner stands or kneels. It keeps weight off your hips and provides deep, controlled penetration.
5. Seated Lover (Chair or Sturdy Surface)
Position your partner in a chair and straddle them while seated. You both stay grounded, and you can control the rhythm. Bonus: face-to-face closeness feels emotionally electric.
6. Doggystyle with Cushioning
If knee pressure is an issue, elevate your upper body with pillows or use a wedge ramp. Lean forward on forearms instead of hands for better support. This helps stabilize you and gives your partner more access without discomfort.
7. Reverse Cowgirl with Stability Aids
For those with belly-to-belly interference, reverse cowgirl removes that issue while offering amazing depth. Use your partner’s thighs or a bedpost for support. A firm headboard helps too. Just steady yourself and grind at your own pace.
8. Standing Positions with Wall Support
Try a “wall press” where one partner leans against a wall while the other lifts or enters from behind. Great for quickies or anyone looking for that dominant energy. Just make sure balance is maintained – non-slip flooring helps!
9. Lap Straddling for Seated Intimacy
Similar to Seated Lover, but anywhere: couch, car, the corner of your kitchen (yes, I’ve done it). You can lean in, wrap your arms around each other, and rock together gently. Emotional and erotic.
10. Modified Lotus for Emotional Connection
For full-on cuddly intimacy, try Lotus. Sit facing each other, legs wrapped. For bigger bodies, use pillows under hips and backs for elevation and balance. It’s not about friction here – it’s about closeness and breathing as one.
Supportive Tools and Props for a Better Experience
Using Pillows, Furniture, and Positioning Aids
My holy trinity: wedge pillows, love ottomans (like Liberator), and sex slings. Elevation is your best friend. So is a sturdy sofa with deep seats. Don’t be afraid to try props – they’re tools, not crutches.
Recommended Lube and Products for Comfort
More body = more friction = more lube! I recommend water-based gel-style lubes like Sliquid Sassy or Uberlube Silicone for long-lasting silkiness. And don’t skimp – your body deserves gentle, glide-enhancing care.
Embracing Body Positivity and Sexual Confidence
Letting Go of Shame and Judgement
Shame is the biggest bedroom turn-off. You are not too thick. You are not taking up too much space. You are not a burden. You are heat. You are softness. You are magic.
Letting go of shame is a journey, but every time you choose connection over hiding, you win.
Building Self-Esteem in the Bedroom
Start small: light a candle, wear lingerie if you want to (or don’t), touch yourself while saying something kind. Getting confident doesn’t mean becoming a different person. It means loving who you are *today.*
Expert Tips for More Pleasure and Deeper Connection
Maximizing Intimacy Beyond Physical Technique
Eye contact. Slowing down. Moaning without apology. Sensual massage before sex. These are the real secret weapons of the bedroom that ignite trust and vulnerability – especially for bigger folks who’ve been told to hide their desire.
Adjusting Positions Based on Individual Needs
Every body has its own balance point. Don’t force what doesn’t feel right. Adapt. If one angle doesn’t work? Shift. Explore with curiosity. That’s where the magic lives.
When to Seek Additional Support
Consulting Sex Therapists or Body-Positive Educators
If you’re struggling to feel joy and comfort in your body during sex, talking to a size-inclusive sex therapist can change everything. I’ve referred many clients and seen real growth – mentally and physically. You deserve that healing.
Inclusive Communities and Resources
Connect with spaces like The Plus Bus, The Fat Life podcast, or online sex-positive fat forums. Experiencing sexuality through community validation is soul-fueling. You are not alone.
Final Thoughts
I want to leave you with this truth: pleasure isn’t reserved for “ideal” bodies. It’s your birthright.
The best sex positions for bigger people aren’t just about angles – they’re about making love to your body like it already belongs, like it’s already beautiful. Because it is.
Be bold. Be gentle. Be curious. And most importantly, be in love with your pleasure. You deserve every drop.
