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Let me be real with you: when I first heard about the cross sex position, I was like, “Is this just another acrobatic move designed only for super-flexy gymnasts with zero body fat?” But guess what? It’s not. And when done right, it can be one of the most intimate, deeply connecting experiences in your entire sex life. Yes, for your body, too.
I know how overwhelming it can feel to try new positions, especially if you’re plus-size, have joint pain, or just don’t feel like the Kama Sutra was written with your body in mind (spoiler: it wasn’t). But as a body-positive sex educator and someone who’s explored this firsthand, I’m here to tell you that the cross position is not just possible – it’s glorious.
This is your safe, no-shame, straight-talking guide to unlocking the full potential of the cross sex position. So let’s break it down, step by step, body by body.
What Is the Cross Sex Position?
Basic Overview and Setup
At its core, the cross sex position is a variation of side-by-side intercourse where your bodies form a loose “X” or cross shape. One partner lies on their back, and the other lies perpendicular across their hips or thighs, creating intersecting angles between bodies.
Think of it as side-lying but with a twist – literally. This configuration allows for deep connection, rhythmic movement, and may be especially comfortable for folks who struggle with all-fours or missionary positions.
The Appeal and Unique Benefits
Here’s why I love the cross position:
- It’s low-impact, perfect for joints and backs that need a break from bouncing and arching.
- It allows for insane eye contact – tilted, yes, but still soul-gazing.
- The perpendicular angle stimulates new pressure points internally and externally.
- It works beautifully for bodies of all shapes and sizes. No, really.
Plus, it’s one of the few positions that encourages a slower, more sensual pace while still being incredibly intense.
How to Perform the Cross Position Safely and Comfortably
Step-by-Step Positioning Tips
Here’s how you set it up like a pro:
- Partner A lies flat on their back, legs extended or bent depending on comfort and pelvic elevation.
- Partner B lies across Partner A’s pelvis or thighs at a perpendicular angle, forming a “cross”.
- Alignment: Partner B’s legs can straddle A’s torso or lie draped alongside A’s body.
- Entry: Penetration can happen from B lowering their hips or A lifting their pelvis slightly – adjust until alignment feels natural.
- Hands: Use them for support and connection. Partner A can hold B’s waist; Partner B can stabilize with a hand pressed to the bed.
Physical Readiness and Flexibility Considerations
If you’re not naturally bendy (same), don’t worry. This position requires mild flexibility at most. You can always bend the knees, shift pillow height, or stop and reset if something feels off.
Tip: 5 minutes of gentle hip stretches beforehand (like laying knee rolls or happy baby) go a long way. You don’t need to be athletic – just tuned into your body.
Best Surfaces and Bedroom Setups
Not all beds are ideal. A too-soft mattress can sink you into misalignment. You want a semi-firm base that gives you both traction and lift.
Must-have additions:
- A wedge pillow or two: Great for elevating hips or supporting the lower back.
- Lube: This position can create friction, especially early on. Lube is your best friend here.
- Pillow fort: Use regular pillows under knees, elbows, or sides to hold bodies at comfortable angles.
Communication and Emotional Intimacy
Why Communication Matters During Intimacy
Trying a new sex position is vulnerable. It’s even more vulnerable when you’re trying to feel good in a body that the media loves to ignore. That’s why communication is key – not just for mechanics, but for emotional safety, too.
Say what you need: “That angle pinches my hip” or “Can we slow down?” isn’t rejection – it’s connection. You deserve nothing less.
Building Trust and Mutual Comfort
Start this position with full consent, eye contact, and tender language. Talk about what excites you, what you’re curious to feel. It sounds simple, but saying “I want to try this because it feels intimate” opens the door to mutual care you’ll both remember long after.
Variations and Creative Twists
For Different Body Types and Abilities
Here’s where the cross position shines:
- Plus-size partners: Opt for a wider “X” angle so no one feels squished or off-balance.
- Mobility challenges: The partner on top can use elbows or soft yoga blocks for support.
- Sensitive joints or chronic pain: Use extra padding under pressure points, especially for shoulders and knees.
No body is “too big” or “too broken” for pleasure. You just need the right setup – and the right mindset.
Using Pillows and Props to Enhance Comfort
This is pillow territory, baby. My setup usually includes:
- A wedge under my hips to tilt angle for deeper entry.
- A long body pillow alongside me (great for balance and arm support).
- A velvety eye mask: Not just sexy, but helps drop into the moment if your body-image demons start whispering.
Bonus hack: try a silky bedsheet or slippery blanket beneath you both to make positional shifts easier.
Common Challenges and How to Overcome Them
Body Alignment and Balance Issues
If one of you keeps slipping or your bodies aren’t syncing, check these:
- Is Partner B too low or too high? Shift slowly until penetration happens effortlessly.
- Is your bedding too soft or slippery? Add layers or move to the floor with cushions for firm support.
- Are arms working overtime? Prop elbows or rotate roles midway through.
This position is more of a slow sensory exploration than a quickie – let it evolve over time.
Discomfort or Lack of Flexibility
There’s zero shame in saying “this hurts” or needing to switch it up halfway through.
Ways to ease discomfort:
- Use hands or toys for mutual pleasure while in position instead of penetrative sex.
- Shorten sessions and gradually build tolerance.
- Take breaks – then reuse the position as part of a whole erotic sequence, not the star of the show.
Tips for Enhancing Pleasure and Connection
Eye Contact, Rhythm, and Presence
Despite the angle, you can still connect deeply here. One of my favorite moves is to rotate my head just enough to catch their eyes during slow gliding strokes. That moment? Intense AF.
Match your breathing, sync rhythm with music, whisper your fantasies. Don’t rush. This is a position designed to stretch time – and desire.
Incorporating Touch and Foreplay
The cross position puts hands in prime exploring territory. Try this:
- Trace the inner thighs with soft fingertips as your hips roll.
- Use one hand for clitoral or perineal stimulation during penetration.
- Pause inside and kiss – fully, deeply, slowly. Let touch lead over thrusting.
I also love using a bullet vibe between bodies. The pressure during movement is insanely good.
Final Thoughts on Enjoying the Cross Position
Exploring with Confidence and Openness
If you’ve made it this far, let me say this: you are already the kind of lover who wants to explore with care, creativity, and connection. That’s sexy as hell.
The cross sex position isn’t about performance. It’s about discovering new textures of intimacy with the body you have right now. Messy shifts, pauses, giggles – they’re all part of the dance.
When to Try Alternative Positions
If the cross just doesn’t feel right today (or ever), that’s okay. Pivot to:
- Spooning: super cozy with deep access and minimal strain.
- Modified missionary with pillows: for extra lift and eye contact.
- Lap sitting or face-to-face positions using a sturdy chair: great for those with mobility needs.
Bottom line: every body is a sex body. The cross is just one of many delicious ways to celebrate that truth.
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